Msg to self:
Am I working hard enough? Am I pushing hard enough?
These were questions that almost bugged me today like it used to. But somehow these questions don’t sit right. Because fundamentally they are driven by fear, and this fear comes from our safe, precious self-image being destabilised. For example, I had previously built up this self-image as a hard worker. When I hear evidence pointing to the contrary, that causes cognitive dissonance. Even now, I realise I am building this self-image as a competent manager. Although evidence supports that, it is still a dangerous cycle to get intio, as it won’t always be true. All things are impermanent. All our self-images and beliefs are sandcastles built against crashing waves. Before you know it, the foundation are eroded, and you are left clinging to the outlines of a mirage. All fabrications of the mind are illusive, losing its accuracy and relevance with every moment. The only logical conclusion here is to lose all illusions, dwell only in the unconditioned, live with our nose hugging reality.
- Note to self: Expand this into a public blog post
7:41am - woke up to heavy downpour
8:59am - returned from an energizing run. was thinking of places to live in where i can run in nature. showered, shaved
9:20am - meditated, caught up on messages
11:12am - did 2 1-1’s
1:16pm - had All-hands, ate lunch
5:00pm - did YJ’s performance review, had a few back-to-back 1-1s
5:28pm - 1-1 with David
8:07pm - finsihed more 1-1’s with Samuel, Kamal, Perry and Melvin; delivered Data Science roadmap feedback to Wai Tsun
1am - worked out, dinner and sleep