Soak in the present

The busier I feel, the more I have to meditate. The feeling of busyness comes from my mind going everywhere but the present.

So today, when I finally cajoled myself to sit for 45 minutes, it wasn't long before I realise what a wild stallion my mind has been - it was worrying about what I said during meetings yesterday, thinking about an article I read the night before, feeling guilty for sleeping late, projecting worries about some difficult conversations I have scheduled, projecting excitement about some plans I have, pondering different paths I can take in my career.

All valid questions, but utterly useless if they remain as rudderless mental noise. The moment I noted that, I let them go, even this sense of self which is just a complex of beliefs, and sensations flooded my awareness.

What happened was that the sensations were there all this while, but were blocked out by my mind to accomodate for all that mental clutter. Once the mental clutter was let go, present sensations took its place.

It wasn't necessarliy unbridled joy, more like waves of quiet happiness and groundedness. Of course, when I opened my eyes, the clutter slowly return, which is just another reminder that meditation is merely a form for me to practise a mental habit that takes time to form. It's not magic.